


Absolve

by BlueDaisy



Series: Credence [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depictions of depression, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, One Shot, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 21:25:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18060419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueDaisy/pseuds/BlueDaisy
Summary: Absolve: declare (someone) free from guilt, obligation, punishment or give absolution for (a sin).





	Absolve

_Her vision was blurry._

_And it was hard to breathe, why was it so hard to breathe? And why did her hand felt sticky?_

_She must have touched something wet..._

_...no..._

_She was **gripping** something sticky and moving and **alive**._

_Were **they** even alive?_

_And she knows where she is. Knows what she is holding. Knows what she is surrounded with._

**_Knows what she had done._ **

_She slowly lets go what she was holding, and rubs her eyes with the back of her palm._

_And even though she knew what was in front of her, it still sends a pain to her soul._

_She still can’t breathe, and this time when her vision gets blurry she doesn’t bother to wipe her eyes._

_Ohgodwhathadshedone?sheddintmeanitshedidn’tmeanit!pleaseplaseplaseohgodohgodwhatwasshegonnado?therewasnowayshecouldfisxthishessorryshessosorrypleasepleseshedoesntknowwhattodo---_

_Her knees finally gives out and out of the corner of her blurry vision she sees one of them moving and-_

 

And Alphys wakes up.

Actually Undyne wakes her up.

Undyne was holding her shoulders, saying something Alphys doesn’t hear.

She looks around. It was blurry, why was it blurry?...

Oh... her glasses was in the nightstand.

And her face was covered in tears... and she was ~~sticky with~~ covered with sweat.

Now Undyne was slowly, gently hugging her.

Undyne was always gentle with her, and kind and generous and forgiving...

She selfishly hugs her back.

She looks at the clock on the nightstand, if she squints her eyes she could see that it was what?... three or two in the morning?

She must have woke Undyne up... again.

How useless...

She was acting needy and disgusting too.

She should apologize to her.

But that didn’t go well with Undyne last time, and she just got more worried.

 “Alphys, do you hear me?” huh... she didn’t realize Undyne was talking until now.

“Yes...”

“... Do you want to talk about it?” Undyne’s voice was so soft she felt like crying again.

“It’s... j-just.” She took a deep breath. It shouldn’t be this hard to talk, what was wrong with her?

“Another nightmare?” Undyne said.

“Y-yeah...”

Undyne pulled back and looked at her softly just like her voice for a moment. “Hey, do you want to finish that anime we were watching?”

“Undyne, y-you don’t h-have to-“

“Hey, it’s five in the morning,” huh... her eyesight must’ve gotten worse. “And sleep is for the weak anyway!” said Undyne even though she hated waking up in the mornings.

And without waiting for her response, Undyne was already up and pulling her to the living room, and Alphys allowed her, she had already ruined Undyne’s sleep, she didn’t have to make it worse.

She wondered when would Undyne realize what kind of person she really was.

Undyne didn’t ask about her nightmare again. She already knew what it was about anyway.

 

* * *

 

“You okay?” Sans asked.

They were at the ex-queens house for lunch, but looks like they were going to have to order something because she just witnessed Undyne and Papyrus joining Toriel in the kitchen.

Alphys didn’t realize Sans coming out in the backyard so she almost fell from the stairs she was sitting.

“Y-y-yeah! Why?” oh god... her lie was so obvious, why did she even bother to lie?

Sans looked at her with his unchanging grin. “Nah, just been wondering if you checked the therapist I told you about.”

“...”

“... Guess not.” He said with a sigh as he sat down beside her. “Hey, I’m not pushing you or anything, but looks like you could use some help from a professional doctor you know?”

“I’m s-supposed to b-be the doctor.” Well not anymore anyway, she wasn’t upset that she was fired, actually... it had been a relief. And being a professor at a university was more comfortable for her than she imagined herself to be.

She never thought she could speak to a crowd, but when it was her favorite subjects it became easier to ramble about it.

“Well, quantum physics unfortunately doesn’t involve monster mental health.” Alphys flinched at that. “Is it because of the wedding?”

Alphys looked at the ring in her finger. “I don’t know... I don’t w-want her to r-regret it l-later.”

“Considering she’s been dreaming for that day for whole three years I’m pretty sure she won’t.”

“What i-if she r-realizes she made an m-mistake she can’t take back?” she murmured.

What if Undyne realized what kind of her person she used to be? How selfish, how needy, useless and disgusting she is?

She didn’t want Undyne to hate her even though it’s what she deserves...

“Has she ever told you any of the things you think about yourself?”

Alphys flinched. “N-no?”

“Then you two will be fine.” Sans said while yawning. “But sounds like you two should talk.”

“Can we not t-talk about this anymore?” Alphys said nervously.

“’Course, it’s not like anything gets under my skin. Heh.” Sans looked tired.

“H-how are y-you, by the w-way?” Alphys asked realizing other people had problems too and she was wasting Sans’s time with her useless problems.

“Me, just peachy, but a little bored I guess.” He didn’t look peachy, he looked tired, and Alphys noticed that Sans reminded her of her father before he-  She shook her head to dismiss the ridiculous thought.

“I w-would t-tell you an s-skeleton pun to c-cheer you up, b-but looks l-like you j-just don’t h-have the guts for it.”

“hehe...”

They sat in silence as they ignored the fire alarm going off in the kitchen. Looks like even Toriel can’t stop the disastrous duo in the kitchen.

“I sure brought my appetite to this lunch,” Sans started. “And also some spare ribs.” Sans gave her an apple and more jokes.

His jokes were so bad Alphys just laughed like the old days they went to college together.

 

* * *

 

“Hello doctor Alphys!” Out of all the people she knew Alphys didn’t expect Papyrus to be at the university she was working.

“P-Payrus? What are you doing here?” she said and realized how rude that sounds. “An-and h-hello, and I’m n-not a d-doctor anymore.”

“Well, as a teacher and a role model, I the great Papyrus had decided that MK should plan his future from ahead.” Just as he said that Alphys realized MK was looking through the classrooms.

“O-oh really, but isn’t he g-going to e-elementary school?”

“You know what I say, it is better to plan your steps ahead rather than going blindly even though I don’t have eyes, and this is really good distraction from remembering nightmares.”

At that Alphys flinched. “W-what?”

“Yes. Unfortunately MK has been haunted by nightmares for two days.” Papyrus said shaking his head. “But fear not for I the great Papyrus has been trying to find solutions for this.”

“O-oh is this w-why you two are h-here? To d-distract him?”

“No! Of course not, what kind of role model would I be if I can’t teach a child about facing his problems? Of course I told him he could talk to me anytime, and when you talk to someone your problems would be easier to carry! What would I do if he kept all of his problems inside and exploded? And of course my clever solution worked for MK said he has been feeling better!”

“O-oh t-that’s really good Papyrus.”

“Of course my advice is valid for everyone who’s having a bad time. I know it may be hard to face your problems but unfortunately you’re going to have to face them at some point for they won’t just go up and leave but fear not for you have your loved ones beside you who are willing to listen and believe in you! Nyehehe!”

“O-o-oh... thanks f-for the a-a-advice....”

“Well, we should continue our tour.” Papyrus said as he started to walk towards MK. “Have good day ms.Alphys!”

“Y-you t-too...”

As they left Alphys just looked behind them.

What just happened?

 

 

“Oh my god, is that...”

“Alphys?”

When Alphys got out of work and turned around she was not expecting to see Catty and Bratty behind her. Looks like today was full of surprises

“Holy frick Alphys we didn’t see you like in...”

“FOREVER!”

And she most definitely didn’t expect to be hugged by both of them.

“Like we have a lot to catch up to with each other,”

“Yeah, we should like definitely go somewhere and talk until our throats dry.”

 

And that’s how she was dragged into a cat-cafe, surrounded by cats and her childhood friends.

She never thought about seeing them again after everything all that’s happened...

“-so then I like, keep telling Bratty to close her rooms door if she doesn’t want cats to come in, but she like, always, ignores me and then be a brat about it.”

“I like, tell Catty to put the cats in _their_ room we prepared for them, but she like always ignores me.”

“But the cats like, totally want to be outside with us, and at night one of them comes to my bed and the other goes to sleep beside Bratty, that’s like mega-cute.”

“Yeah... that’s like super cute actually.”

“And you were like totally against getting two cats, but now you totally adore them.”

“Okay Catty I get it, you were super right.”

They silent for a moment as they drink their iced-coffees.

“So like how are you Alphys?”

“Yeah, we like haven’t talked with you in forever.”

“I heard you were getting married with Undyne!”

“Oh my god, she is getting married before us!”

“I thought you were planning on living with your cats like forever, Catty.”

“No, Bratty. I want cats with husbands and children’s!”

“Catty, I don’t think having more than one husband is legal.”

Why is this conversation getting more uncomfortable? Alphys drinks her coffee and forces a smile. She was over her multi-ship phase thank you very much, and she couldn’t help but wonder if this is how Sans felt when he read her fanfictions.

“I am getting married.”

“That’s like awesome. We were like totally worried about you.”

“Totally, congratulations. You were like always in the lab, alone.”

“Yeah so it’s really cool you found someone and a bunch of friends.”

“We’re like really happy for you right now.”

“We’re like super-duper happy for you right now, when’s the wedding by the way?”

Alphys looked at them surprised. “You two were worried about me?”

“Duh! You were like never came back to your parents’ house after they died.”

“Dammit Catty, don’t like bring that up!”

Oh... Alphys froze as her old wounds started to ache.

“Uh... I like... didn’t mean it like that.”

“What Catty meant was like... you were always introverted and when your parents uh... dusted. You like closed yourself into a lab and never got out or came back.”

That was true... even though it was lonely at times there was some comfort when she was alone in her lab not having to interact with other monsters, and now they mentioned it, all of the memories before being a scientist was flooding back to her.

And now Alphys remembered the old days, the days with her parents, the days where she looked through complicated books for her age, the first time she discovered anime, the days she took Catty and Bratty with her to look through the dump, the day her mother fell down, and how tired her father was before following her footsteps, her college years, her meeting Sans, or the days of her showing Sans the fanfictions she wrote, the day she met Mettaton, the day she screwed up so bad, the day her father dusted, the day she too felt like following her parents... and then her meeting Undyne.

And somehow all of those moments felt like it was fate, like she had nothing to do with it. _Like nothing was her fault._

It was a nice feeling.

Alphys stayed silent for a moment before smiling.

“... I’m fine, really.” She told the truth for once. “I’m actually better than I have ever been.”

When both of them looked relieved, Alphys felt a warmth radiating from her soul.

And they talked for hours and gave each other their phone numbers before parting at the end of the day.

Alphys felt like a weight was off of her shoulders and she smiled.

 

* * *

 

Even though there were nice moment’s karma always finds her back.

This was the third night Undyne woke her up, and comforted her.

She knew these nightmares and all the guilt she’s feeling is karma and she should take her punishment, but she didn’t want to bring Undyne down with her too. Undyne didn’t deserve this, she deserved better.

From her dazed mind she noticed Undyne pulling her to the kitchen and making her sit down and Alphys silently watches her make golden flower tea.

It was half past three in the morning.

Undyne took deep breaths as she made the tea, she looked like she wanted the shake the answers out of her. But she was being patient wasn’t she? She was so kind that she gave her space and made sure she was comfortable...

But even Undyne’s unconditional patience had limits.

She set the cup of tea in front of her.

For a moment they just sat in silence, neither of them spoke or drank their tea.

“Alphys,” Undyne started, she was gripping the hot cup too tightly. “Talk to me.”

“I-it’s just nightmares, you-“

“This isn’t just some nightmare. Please don’t lie to me.”

“...”

Undyne sighed, she looked tired. Of course she would look tired, Alphys kept her up with her bullshit for days.

“I don’t know what to do, okay... you won’t talk to me about it. So I’m starting to think that maybe it’s something I’ve done-“

“N-no! It’s not... Its n-not l-like that...”

“Is it because of the wedding? Did I pushed you? You don’t have to force yourself if it isn’t something you don’t want to do.”

“No! I’m t-telling you it’s not like t-that!”

They sat in silence for a moment.

Alphys thought all of her problems would magically go away if she confessed everything, but life wasn't that easy was it? confessing and getting fired wasn't her atonement for all the things she had done, when the dogs, froggits, vegetoids, Shyren, snowdrake and all of the families forgave her, the voices wouldn't, the past wouldn't erase itself, amalgamates wouldn't go back to the monsters they once were, and it was all her fault, if she had researched a bit better, if she hadn't lied to Asgore about Mettaton and hadn't become the royal scientist...

If she hadn't  _exist_.

...

When her own thoughts clicked in her had it became really obvious that she was going through a rough time...

She looked at Undyne, and she saw the worry she didn't deserve, saw how tired she was, saw Undyne trying for her.

She didn't had a right to bring Undyne down with her too, Undyne did nothing to deserve this...

But she was too selfish to let her go.

She loved Undyne, she wanted to be with her, she wanted to make Undyne happy not whatever this is...

Papyrus was right. Her problems wasn’t just gonna go up and leave, she had to do something about it.

At least she owed this much to Undyne.

Alphys took a deep breath, and she told her.

Told her about the way she was afraid she would regret this marriage, that she would realize what kind of person Alphys really was, that... that she would regret being with her, and that Alphys was afraid of Undyne hating her because she would never recover from that.

And Undyne this whole time listened to her and kept reassuring her, and at one time she just got up and held her.

By the time Alphys was finished, their tea was cold.

So they just refilled their cup and settled on the couch watching ‘a Place Further than the Universe’

“Do you know that if you hadn’t found me that day, I would’ve jumped off of there?” Undyne looked at her with surprise for a moment before she nodded bitterly. “That day I learned that my father had dusted... after the amalgamates that was the final blow, you know?”

Some days she still felt like that. Sometimes she missed the isolation and the loneliness the lab gave her. Sometimes she didn’t want to get out of the house or simply be a functional monster.

But when Undyne was beside her, she felt like she can face these a lot easier, it’s like when Undyne was with her she was stronger.

“Alphys... Papyrus told me that Sans recommended you a therapist?” Undyne took a deep breath. “I think you should go see... the therapist.”

She just looks at Undyne for a moment.

And for a moment Alphys feels strong enough to seek help.

Like this isn’t something she deserves, that this feelings and voices can go away if she tries hard enough.

It would take a lot of effort, and maybe she still would have bad days...

But maybe she can be that girl who watched anime just for fun and not for mindless distraction, or happily rambled about science to her friends.

Maybe she would even forgive herself.

So with a deep breath, she decided to try. “Yes, maybe I should.”

 

* * *

 

“Goddammit, it took hours for Papyrus to do this make up and now it’s ruined.” Undyne said as she washed her face.

“At least h-he isn’t g-going to nag you a-about it l-like M-Metatton will to me.” Alphys said as she sighed.

“Hey, from this day forward I’m the only monster who’s allowed to nag you.” To that Alphys started to laugh. “Tell me when he nags you I will give that metal punk a piece of my mind!”

When Undyne raised her head Alphys burst into laughter.

“What?”

“Y-you l-look like that b-blob f-f-fish... hahaha...” Alphys clutched her stomach.

“You’re not one to judge, your eyes look like that chamelon lizards eyes.” At that Alphys laughed harder, soon Undyne joined her.

“H-hey at least o-our wedding  g-gowns are okay.”

“Well... not for long...”

“W-what?”

“Oh nothing...”

“U-Undyne!” Alphys smacked her arm.

“Ow!” even though she tried to look hurt, Undyne was still smirking. “I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight if I don’t throw a slice of cake on Papyrus’s face.”

Undyne must be planning to take revenge on Papyrus for recording everything.

“I’m p-pretty sure h-he’s gonna t-throw all the c-cake on you if you do t-that.” Now she was looking forward to the night.

“And then I’ll threw it back at him.” Undyne said proudly.

“P-please don’t p-play d-dodge ball with our wedding c-cake...”

“But you’re smiling.”

At that Alphys simply sighed happily and hugged Undyne.

Well their vows were ruined with them bursting into tears, she didn’t even remember how they managed to make it to the bathroom.

It doesn’t matter if it’s proper or not if they are happy anyway.

When they are done cleaning up the best they can, they held hands as they walked outside.

As Undyne was holding her hand she finally realized she was truly happy.

And she knew the bad days, and her guilt and the feeling of dread would always be there, but now she truly realizes that she didn’t have to face them alone.

She had someone, she had friends who would face them with her without judging or blaming her for it.

She wasn’t alone.

Alphys smiled as they joined their friends.

 

**_~The End~_ **


End file.
